30 things about me

1.     My name is spelled Oh Ye Lim in passport, but I wrote it Oh Yae Lim for a while because I was shocked when my teacher in the U.S. pronounced my name 'Oh Yee Lim'. 

2.     In Facebook I am Ooh Yae Lim because some boys started writing ‘Oh 예림’ every time I posted something on Facebook. Now I think I can change back to my original name.

3.     I don’t have many friends. In fact, I think I only have two closest friends.

4.     My mother comes from a strong Christian background, and my father is an elder of one of the biggest churches in Korea. My family is very religious.

5.     I think I made only the best choices in my life, because if they weren’t the best, I wouldn’t have made it. 

6.   I don't like math, not only because I'm not good at it but also because it enforces a strictly regimented, simplified view of the world. I started hating math when I realized the fact, and therefore decided to give it up; while my grades plundered, I'm proud because I think of it as my transition from a modern human being to a post-modern human being. 

7.    I like to wander around the street listlessly. Last winter, when I stayed in Seoul by myself, I spent three hours every day just walking around the street. I walk a lot because I can process my thoughts much easier when I’m at motion. Sometimes I try to observe a person’s appearance and figure out which building he or she would go into while wandering. Sometimes I'm absorbed in some random imaginations.

 8.     I’m listening to Rhye, Stars, Tame Impala, and random girl groups these days. I cannot easily pin down my taste in music. My friends, however, say that I particularly like music that does not contain melodic development, but rather repeats the same melody over and over again. 

9.     When I was in middle school I used to think socialism was the only way to fix this society. As I came to high school I believed anarchism was the only way to fix this society. But in truth, I think this world is fine as long as old scholars are straying around warning about the end of the world.

10.  My biggest goal in life was not looking ignorant or easy.

11.  My father set up a NGO group helping developing countries through appropriate technology. Whenever I meet my father’s coworkers, they say, “Your father is such a great man." That's the main reason why I don't like charity organizations. 

12.  I dream a lot. My dreams lack creativity, and most of them take place in our school with the people I know. I get guilty when I wake up because I know my subconscious is reflected in my dreams and it's not only a coincidence that the people I secretly hate get persecuted and the people I secretly like dote me in my dreams. 

13.  I want to be familiar with semiotics just to cite semiotics scholars in future writings. 

14. I wore a very short hair when I was in middle school. While I had short hair I felt a little like a boy, and acted like a boy. My tone of voice was lower, and I used rough language. My father said once that when I was in middle school he felt like he was raising a football player who accidentally was born as a girl. 

15.  Right now Susan Sontag is my favorite female intellectual. She was a revolutionary culture critic in the 60s. I first read her work “Notes on ‘Camp’” and appreciated her rigor in defining an obscure cult phenomenon with such precision and wit. After that I read her essays ‘A Woman’s Beauty’ and ‘Against Interpretation’. I like her because she scoffs at those who take the norms of this society seriously and instead analyze them from an objective point of view to show how they are not absolute but rather transitory and shallow.

16. Even when someone is tortured for his/her own faults, I don't want a group of people condemning the person in the guise of 'proper education'. I think group condemnation is only an another form of entertainment, and I am disgusted by the enthusiasm with which people engage in 'criticisms'. I can't stand the superficiality of such an event. 

17.  I like signing up into personal websites of interesting figures. In middle school I signed up into Orson Scott Card's website. He is a homophobic SF writer with a strong Mormon faith, and he usually wrote appraisals of the Bush administration. Recently I'm monitoring Ma Kwang Soo’s personal website. He’s a professor in Yonsei university, and he posts a poem expressing his fantasy. He says all feminists are ugly and digs women with long nails. 

18.  I read a lot of contemporary poetry, but only in Korean for now. My current favorite poet is Kim Seung-Il. He published an anthology with the title ‘Education’. Three of the poems there deal with two brothers whose parents are dead. After their parents die, the older brother starts to spit a mouthful of toothpaste towards the bathroom ceiling, and the younger brother starts to pee while taking a shower. The poems look at the brothers’ change after their parents’ death in three perspectives. My favorite parts are the part where the older brother narrates, “but the thing is, I have inevitably realized that a bully that attends school is cooler than a bully that doesn’t attend school”, and when the bathroom narrates “Tile wants some space so people won’t slip because of the water… The younger brother pees on the tile. That’s a variable. I called the younger brother a variable.” 

19. I inadvertently talk too candidly and often appear as outspoken by my peers. I think it's a part of me that I can't really control or be careful about, since I am a very self-conscious person but still cannot think of the possible impact of my words. I usually just speak out what I have to say and people react more than I expect. 

20.  I always didn’t like acting girlish, but looking back, maybe I should've acted more girlish. 

21.  I don't like articles from Wikitree and Insight. They are articles meant only to be shortly consumed and then dismissed. When they are political, they only adhere to the safest stance, afraid that they won’t receive many likes if their stance is slightly disagreeable.

22.  I read excerpts from ‘The Second Sex’ by Beauvoir when I want to get annoyed with KMLA society.

23.  Often I'm overly self-defensive. I feel like all people are my enemy, and I snap back at them when I think they are trying to tease me. 

24.  My favorite movie director is Hong Sang Soo. He makes films depicting mundane and everyday life, denying the existence of any noble ideologies or action. His characters cheat, lie, and pretend to be pious but oddly I feel natural watching them. His films tell me that this world is all pretentious, and happy moments are only an illusion, but give hope that in that ugly reality there lies the strength that truth can give. 

25.   I often go to the movies alone without taking popcorn. I think it’s a way of treating films as an art. I don’t think you can fully appreciate a work of art with somebody else. As soon as another person is with me, I start feeling overly self-conscious and cannot construct an honest impression of the movie. I feel the need either to flatter or deride the movie. 

26.  My thumb is much shorter and thicker than others’. This kind of thumb is called ‘우렁이 손톱’ in Korea, and there is a myth that people with this thumb is usually diligent and hard-working. That just shows how misleading a myth can be.

27.  I visit many community websites regardless of their political disposition or gender dominance. I am used to the rough language and inappropriate contents these websites sometimes provide. I think it’s restricting to only visit sites with the same political stance and the moral standard that I have. I want to have the freedom to take whatever is appealing for my intellectual appetite and then discard others. 

28.  I used to be an ‘Otaku’. I was a big fan of Fullmetal Alchemist. In middle school I used to attend many comic festivals with my friends. I never understood why so many people hate Otakus. I felt like they were just in a habit of hating someone because that person doesn’t like the same things they like.

29.  I don’t know what I’ll become in the future. I want to write something, but I want to be rich. That’s the big dilemma.

30.  I like existentialism. I like the idea that existence precedes essence, and that people can choose their own path in life without some higher purpose in mind, without thinking of what my 'fate' is.  

Ode?

Staring at the half-wheeled vessel of my reputation

Filtering through my troubled eyes is the edgy harbor

When pierced and through my marks fairly deep

Could vouch others of my innocence

My innocence towards a sin that has been

For an unexpected deception and for a seamless line that

Might show a malice to a selective collect of authorities

Authorities I had never known showed their sheer shape

In a world of barren jungle, then suddenly imposed their

Rules upon us, like the white closing upon a fence of the natives

And hunt us down like a hungry beast quenching its thirst

Only through the sap of condemnation and feigned justice

But when it is settled, is it indeed a spring of deep sorrow

A sorrow that cannot be corrected just like a deep furrow

Scarred on my face, once again reminding me of my own shame

And I always try, try hard to kick myself out of the whirlpool and

Kill my birthplace, but it’s embroidered too deep into my skin I keep

Digging into my volatile skin but end up with ragged blood

If only blood would wash everything down, would I not be merry and content?

But it only leads to sheer vain

My pain eventually lessening, another sign of shame to me

A reinforcement of a stranger’s perspective, a sharp, beckoning one

Like the blue walls approaching me with such ferocity that drowns me

Drowns me with its blue arms, whispering to me, shouting at me discreetly

Of my selfishness, my pride and all the air that keeps me floating in a sky

Of nothingness, though somehow I am fooled by the sturdiness it pretends

You are such, and you shall live that much 

50 minute essay

     "Though we can't be humans, let's not at least be monsters." My favorite quote from the movie. I'd seen a plethora of tear-squeezing humanitarian speeches, now let me think anti-human. I'd seen trite pleas of self-pity, all ending in same-old melodramatic sigh, now let me deride and deny them. That was what I thought.
      There is an old Disney logic inside my head that keeps spinning and emitting a smoke of dust. It forces me into a dichotomy of good and bad, that good things and bad things are clear-cut so that I am either a saint or a sinner. It was painful, trying always to be the nice kid then hating myself for not being able to be one. If I didn't throw a penny into a beggar on the street, I'd call myself the villain Scrooge, and if I threw one, I'd deprecate myself for my cheap attempt at pity. It sucked the vitality out of my life. I wasn't able to decide on almost all matters in fear of sinning. I asked myself, "Why can't I be the Cinderella? Why am I always the evil stepmother, secretly plotting against people out of jealousy, and regularly showing off my meager accomplishments just to feel alright?" It wasn't just me that I didn't like. I didn't like other people, how they also seemed to be caught up in the same pretense, and stumbled upon the same point of morality. They were violent, they were immature, and they were ignorant of their own doings. There were never the ultimate hero, nor the innocent victim. They were all part of a big collusion. 
     Then I met Hong Sang Soo's movies. I thought it'd make me look esoteric or intellectual at first; he was known for making art films. 'On the Occasion of Remembering the Turning Gate' was his most known movie. The plot was simple. A man meets a woman, tries to sleep with her, succeeds, cheats on her, and breaks up with her. But the characters were so different from the movies I had watched. They were the characters that I met in daily lives. They backstabbed each other, they spread false rumors, and they pretended to be highbrow but their pretense was too explicit. And the oddest part was, they were not so despicable. They were just individuals who strived to prove their thin existence.
      So I realized that while I can't be the human that Disney portrayed, but I wasn't a monster either. Also, there was a good chance that the Disney humans were fake. 
                                                                                  THe ENd 

     
     

Metafiction

The sun was already down when I woke up. I clenched my fist to see I’m alive. The wound on my hand opened again. As the weak fluorescent light was dangling in a rhythmic swing above my head, the blood drops seeping out of the wound transformed its shape incessantly. In each of the shape I found a jagged abyss reflected, and fear arose. Fear arose that the blood will devour and swallow me. I searched for a band. I imagined it was in the top drawer. But it wasn’t. I imagined it was in the middle drawer. It wasn’t. I imagined it was in the bottom drawer. It wasn’t.

Bemused with despair, I licked the blood and sucked on it desperately. It tasted of steel and rotten fish.

Then I wondered if I’d want to continue on my novel. I’d been drastically behind on it, and somehow I drowned into a pool of sloth and atrophy every time I tried to make a resolution to finish it. But a pang of agony touched me every time I faced the manuscript.

Instead I held up his English composition homework. He was… Was Se Hoon his name? I faintly recalled his mother handing me a snow-white paper and an envelope. I recalled she was wearing a black wool overcoat and a fedora, all of which looked too big for her. For this essay, she said, the question was to choose one practice that is causing an environmental issue. I found a cigarette in the right pocket and held it in one hand. Soon I conjured up a documentary I’d seen in National Geographic.

Nowadays, environmental problems have been a big dilemma…

The narration echoed though my head. Images also passed through. A long shot scanning over the Amazon forest. Fragmented parts of the forest caused by logging… Logging.

I jotted down the word ‘logging’, and soon wrote two paragraphs, consisting of no more ideas than the word ‘logging’ but still filling up the word count.

Logging must be stopped. Environmental problems have been a big dilemma. As the technology developed, environmental problems including green house effect, extinction of species, pollution have increased magnificently. What would have been the cause? I believe that the cause is logging and extraction of oil which are the most fundamentals of technological development.

In the case of Brazil, the Amazon is known as the lung of the earth. People are often times amazed by fireworks, arousing awe in their mind. However, this is directly messing up the air condition because we are throwing obnoxious gases into the atmosphere. This mere example which we are careless about reminds us again that logging should be stopped. Less tree means more vulnerable.

‘Amazon’. The word brought up very specific memories of me sitting in front of a TV set one happy Sunday afternoon. My father, lying on a sofa, would shout out a sentence or two emphasizing the urgency of preserving the forest as if he was head of the Brazil department of environmental issues. I nodded when he said it, since I felt he needed approval. My dad needed approval.

Actually I was supposed to see him this morning. But I couldn’t, because I somewhat remembered the promise but wanted to forget about it by sleeping. In my dream my father appeared with an ax in his hand, and ran after me to cut my throat like a lumberjack of Amazon forest. His many attacks failed to reach my neck, but left a clear cut on my hand. Blood flowed out of my veins, but the blood was not red. It did not hold any color. It was transparent and dense like a tree sap, and fell on the floor like tears falling. What an awful dream.

My dreams always aroused self-pity. I hated them for being so, and I hated me for having those. But then, what was so wrong with self-pity? Where would a miserable wannabe writer with a small apartment room not receive some sympathy? If some money-crazy producer films my daily life for a reality show, I’d probably receive a free consultation with a psychiatrist and a recuperation program. My father pitied me. He sighed every time I met him, but with a familiar stare pointing me as the cause for all my misfortune. He’d give me some job offers, but I’d reject all of them for no reason. He’d ask me what I’d want to end up in, and I wouldn’t answer. An awkward pause would follow, and he’d leave. I’d hate myself over the whole conversation. The inquiry always stayed there:

Should I stop?

I thought for a moment.

No.

For a moment my conscience was clear, and I clenched my fist for a renewed resolution. The wound on my hand opened again. As the weak fluorescent light was dangling in a rhythmic swing above my head, the blood drops lightened. Nonetheless, I searched for my unfinished manuscript. I imagined it was in the top drawer. It was.

For a moment I turned my head to glance at the essay paper, left with two paragraphs. I wrote down a little more, and I threw it away, out of my sight.

Yes, yes. I do keep on writing this crap. But do any of us really care about trees in faraway land when we are writing on a snow-white paper? Do you think this is possible? For me., the discussion is all trite and mundane like feminism. I'd rather talk about the ugliness of the word "logging". Log-ging, Log-ging. How lame is it?

 I'm stuck in my house because I caught a cold. I don't care about the world. Let it be Superman's daily chores. Also, my cousin is a tree. He once was a man who worked for Zeus. He had such a strong power. He could exert a lightning beam from his hand. However, he overused his power. He made people electrically shocked. Finally, Zeus turned him into a tree.

But, Zeus had a hard time making him into a tree. My cousin, before being transformed into a tree, was able to turn Zeus into a man. Zeus is now coming to me. He’ll turn me into a tree and I’ll turn him into a tree.

A revision of the last essay

          A Superbowl commercial is an epitome of patriotic marketing, which projects a patriotic image to its products. However, just because the Superbowl is immersed with American values, it doesn't equate that a Superbowl advertisement also has to appeal on the product's connection to American values. A Superbowl advertisement of T-Mobile exhibits an excellence "without" any appeal to patriotism in all three areas of persuasion: Logos, Pathos and Ethos. 

          The Logos aspect of this commercial is quite easily distinguished. Not using any celebrities, the commercial instead chose to use only a pink background and a few words on it to deliver its simple ideas to the public; first, T-mobile is not doing any long-term contracts, and second, it will also pay one's previous contract if the customer moves to T-mobile. By adding the phrase, "No, we're not on our 4th margarita" after it, the commercial increases the credibility of its statement, even if it doesn't give any specific evidence. It captured only the practical benefit of T-mobile's contract instead of resorting to endless hyperbole. 

          The Pathos aspect of this commercial is based on its straightforward and simple way of presenting its message. As is mentioned previously, this commercial only consists of a few slides of text with a pink background. To people who are used to watching ads with intricate storylines and detailed images, this can give the impression that T-mobile, instead of deceiving the public with image beauty, is honest and beneficial. Even more, the commercial asserts that T-mobile is empathizing with the public by stating "Wireless contracts suck". This has the effect of portraying other wireless contracts as charlatans, and T-mobile as a trustworthy friend.

          The Ethos aspect of this commercial is fulfilled by its absence of celebrities. While there is a stereotype that commercials have to use celebrities to achieve a level of authority, this commercial instead found its way out of the box by pointing out that those commercials contain a logical fallacy of appealing to authority. By stating, "Maybe next year we'll do a commercial with overpaid movie stars" it accentuates its "absence of" authority even more. As an effect, the commercial actually attained an air of authority because it did not have to use extra actors to hinder the logical thinking of its viewers. 

          A cheap ad is a bad ad. This was the stereotype that drove many companies into making commercials that involved extravagant effects and actors. However, T-mobile's advertisement proves that a cheap ad can also be a good ad, if augmented by a good humor and a clever approach. The fact that it doesn't have much Superbowl feeling in it is not a foible at all. 

Note to SELF: The first in-class essay

First writer's name: Oh Yae Lim

NOTE TO SELF:
Frequently immerse yourself in the interviews of crazy people. It will give you serenity.
Never book a bus to Daejeon.
Don't try to maintain your fragile pride by listening to songs of indie bands.
Try not to give any advice to others. No one can say anything to others.
Engage in stupidity and ignorance. Never engage in an intelligent conversation which will boost you up.
Don't hate people with glasses/earphones/cameras.

Do not waste time playing stupid games.
Do not let others know that I love Antonio Stark. It would be great if I did not love him anymore. He is a boy with glasses/earphones/cameras anyway
I should be more funny. I haven't made anyone in KMLA laugh until now.

Do not let others know that I pick my nose with my thumb.
D not let AngtonyOhstark know that I'm secretly engaged with him.
Do not let others know that I love the smell of Moses.
I should be vegetarian-ish after this hour.

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
Be the good girl, you always have to be
Conceal it, don't feel it, put on a show.
Let it go.
Let the storm rage on.
The past is in the past.
Cold never bothered me anyways.

Actually, it does... never catch a cold :(
Especially, never wander around a forest during winter while wearing a single dress. Unless you're as pretty as me, you will suffer from the cold. That reminds me of something: it's very tiresome if you're as pretty as me. Try to look a bit more ugly-or else, everyone around you will stare at you.

From now on, I will not eat chicken at all.
I'm pretty and beautiful.

Minseok is a very attractive boy. Love him to death.
Kang-san is not good at English nor Korean. Never be like him.
Don't create bad history about yourself by breaking up badly with your girlfriend. It creates embarrassment, and something that can bother you for 3 years.
Hoon Kang is not pretty and beautiful.
Moses doesn't like Jee-Hu, stop making fun of him about her.

Find a place to take photos. Go there when the world is depressed.

A reflection on the concept of Minjok and the 21st century

It is known that Korean society holds a distinct sense of nationalism related to ethnicity. A concept reserved for Korean nationalism, ‘Minjok’, implies that one must be born of a ‘true Korean blood’ to be accepted as a member of the Korean society. Because of its narrowness in the definition of Koreans, Korea has been derided by the international society of its exclusiveness towards other culture and countries. Through this essay, I will try to seek an explanation for the development of this eccentricity, and eventually suggest my view of Minjok and the 21^st century, my hope for the better future.

 

The term ‘Minjok’ derives its origin in the early 20^th century when Japanese occupation took place. Japanese, when translating the concept of ‘nation’, chose to accept the Germanic view of the word, which was closer to ‘ethnic group’ in English. Japanese translation of ‘nation’ and the term ‘minjok’ was directly applied to Korea as Japanese occupation of Korea commenced.

Japan had originally adopted nationalism as means of resistance against Western Powers, which tried to exert their influence on Eastern countries using their military force. Ironically, Japanese nationalism grew into an impetus for imperialism and worked as a justification for its invasion of nearby countries. In Korea, nationalism was introduced by Japan’s attempts to arouse a Japanese nationalism throughout its colonies, but instead developed into a Korean nationalism against Japanese occupation. One of the leading figures of this movement was Shin Chae Ho, the father of a Minjok-ist view of history. He cut out the ‘Giza-Chosun’ period in Go-chosun era and instead proclaimed ‘Dangun-Chosun’ as the start of Korean history, denying that the origin of Korea is from the descendent of Shang Dynasty in China. As Japanese persecution of Korea prolonged, the idea of Minjok flourished among Koreans, holding them tightly together. Meanwhile, the usage of Minjok as an ethnic term caused Korea to use the term as something beyond simple formation of a nation-state, but formation of an ethnic nation-state.

Minjok continued to be a fuel of Korean identity even after WW2 ended. Dictator Park Jung Hee reinforced the unity of Korean nation for the sake of rapid industrialization. Some of the policies he enacted were the creation of a Korean hero, most of whom were military figures who protected Korea against foreign invasions, and investment to Korean traditional art represented by the construction of a Minjok cultural art center. Collectivist remnant of the totalitarian government plus the revival of the past as a policy fused to intensify the sense of Minjok in Korean people. Even people opposing to Park Jung Hee exhibited strong nationalism, often offensive towards foreign influences and nonetheless anti-individualist.

Park Jung Hee actually had double citizenship; one to Japan, another to Korea. It's surprising that he managed to exhibit extreme nationalism to both countries.

The Seghehwa movement did not dilute this either. Rather, an ‘instrumental view’ of globalization became prominent, trying to seek ‘our nation’s profit’ through protective trading and diplomacy. President Kim Dae Jung emphasized globalization as a key for Korea to survive in a competitive world economy. According to a research in ‘The Paradox of Korean Globalization’, it even seems that the level of positive view towards globalization is relevant to ethnic nationalism. This paradigm continues until today. Koreans keep protectionist stance about foreign influence and the view requiring ethnic purity as a condition of Korean continues.

Looking at the history of Minjok, there are several factors that drove nationalism to the current situation. They are: first, the adoption of the term Minjok as an ethnic group, second, Japanese occupation and the advent of resistant nationalism, and third, rapid industrialization and totalitarian society.

Park No Ja, referred to as the 'Korean of Blue Eyes', is reliable for his objective criticism of the contradictive Korean society.  

 

It is true that Minjok has served its function in preserving Korean identity throughout the dark tunnels of persecution and unifying the nation in situation of poverty. However, it is a question whether Minjok is legit in this era. The trend of nowadays society is postnationalism, a movement transcending traditional views about nation and embracing the world as one homogenous group. So to say, ‘Minjok’ is likely to be abandoned as an anachronistic concept. Plus, serious discrimination is committed as people are skeptical about the influx of foreigners into Korea. Park No Ja, a Russian who naturalized to Korea, gives a most frank account of the exclusive Korean society in his book ‘What You Call Korea’. According to him, apartheid in Korea is even applied to Korean immigrants living in China, Chosun Jok, on the basis that they’re also not ethnically pure.

 

To elevate Korea to a post-modern country, the definition of Minjok as people sharing the same blood must be replaced by people sharing the same citizenship. Ethnicity or ‘true blood’ is an ambivalent concept in a globalized society, and Korea is no exception to this. Furthermore, nationalistic tendency of Korean history textbook should be modified. Professor Lim Ji Hyeon in Hanyang University suggests that ancient history be treated outside the nationalist frame, without the mention of ‘the great Han nation’ or any implication of nationalist tendency. Especially on the issue of Korguryo, a history in dispute with China, an approach of ‘border history’ would be more appropriate.

This is what Koreans call 'Hwanppah', people who believe in the forged book <Hwan Dan Go Gi>. <Hwan Dan Go Gi> claims that, well, it's exactly what you see above.  

Finally, irrational hostility towards other countries, especially Japan, should be rejected. It is true that Japanese government’s reflection of WW2 is surprisingly positive, and that most Japanese people are ignorant of the Japanese occupation of Korea. However, it must not lead to xenophobic behaviors against the basic principle of human rights; constant attempt should be made to achieve civil communication with Japan.

 

A ceremony referred to as the 'worst racial discriminating act in all Korea-Japan games', monkey ceremony.